Day 40 Juice Feast -- When You Are Lost (Michael Meade)

I've spent some time thinking about the workshop lessons from day 11 on Finding Genius in Your Life as defined by Michael Meade. 

The original idea of genius refers to the natural spirit and inner qualities of a person; this includes their god-given talents as well as the way they are aimed at life. In that sense, everyone has a genius nature and something essential to give to the world. However, when neglected or rejected our natural genius can incite our worst inner demons.

Meade has a fascinating outlook on life. He borrows from the Jungian camp that the wound and the gift are two sides of the same coin and genius hides behind the wound. Ok. But his knowledge base had me glued to my chair when he said: "I study all people and all cultures."  My grandpa used to say he learned something from every person he encountered. Sometimes I think I am lost and when I go a-questioning (or on a quest) I find the answers. I know they are the right answers because they are external reinforcements of my intuition.  Meade reminds us: sometimes you have to get lost to get found.

In modern times where old systems and institutions are crumbling and no longer an anchor to maintain the status quo of society, the individual must learn to rely on his or her own inner genius. "Finding your own way in life is the only way." What if you are stuck in this spinning vortex of the modern mesocosm and unable to see who you really are? Meade suggests discarding the notion of fixing the mesocosm and doing two things to reclaim your sense of orientation to claim your inner genius:

1.) Study the macrocosm or basic cosmology.
2.) Go inside and study your soul (microcosm)--it's oriented to the Universe.

The Hidden Universe (NASA)

Searching for My Life Purpose

As I round the corner to complete graduate school and find myself a completely changed person, I've spent a considerable amount of time on where to go next. In all honesty sleeping is the immediate choice but the other day a thought flashed in my mind of sitting around and drooling--and that sounded appealing too. In graduate school I started a reflective blog as part of a class requirement.  In the process this JF blog nearly created itself; an outpouring I simply went with. Ever since I have been plugging away weekly with challenges for growth to build myself up to this upcoming JF. Quite honestly I was worried I would over focus on school at the expense of my health.  This blog has been a tremendous helper in not gaining too much weight and staying motivated to make better health choices.

Birth Chart and Houses

Post graduation I intend to let myself catch up on my rest--but I highly doubt I'll sit around, motionless except for drool dribbling out the corner of my mouth (although my fried brain does find it slightly appealing).  I choose, in part, to JF again for the intellectual rewards it offers; it is so easy to study, learn and absorb. I also intend to continue meditation, deep readings, practices and self-education that will align me more deeply to my Life Purpose and Higher Self. In my current work I feel I have the right skills, education and ability but I am in the wrong place and around the wrong people. So I've thought a lot about what it is I need to be satisfied.  It's that whole getting-clear-with-the-Universe thing.  I've done this in the past and it works however sometimes I don't realize that it comes with a few things I don't particularly care for.  Each time I get closer and closer to what I want so I never consider what I reach to be failure, rather the situation awakens in me a stronger desire for what I actually need and a clearer desire to leave behind the things which do not serve me.

For explorations outside of myself, of course, I've done a birth chart. That seemed to me an obvious starting point. It was interesting yet contradictory. Personalized birth charts show where the planets and other astrological symbols were when you were born in certain houses. I found the entire thing interesting if complicated. I decided to send away for a reading from U.K.'s Judy Hall. I'm waiting for her reading. It should be here within the month.

A more recent tool I've used is the Peaceful Warrior, Dan Millman's Life Purpose Calculator  My purpose calculated by my birthdate?

26/8

2: Cooperation
6: Vision
8: Recognition

All digits have an influence — but the
bolded issue is key to your hidden calling.

"Those on the 26/8 life path are here to work through issues of perfectionism, money, power, and recognition, sharing their abundance in alignment with their highest vision and ideals, in the service of others. Since our life purpose poses specific challenges, the life of 26/8s reflects their conflicting drives and beliefs about money, power, and high profile, and their innate idealism can tend to inhibit the personal power they are here to make manifest. Eventually, 26/8s stand up, assert themselves, and gain recognition within their family, in their community, or in the world at large." [From the Life Purpose Calculator--this paragraph is the first one from his book The Life You Were Born to Live: A Guide to Finding Your Life Purpose]

Another clue to the mystery is Archetypes. You can test your own here. My types (in descending order of importance) are: Intellectual, Athlete, Advocate.  In her book Archetypes Caroline Myss identifies the archetypes Life Journey, Unique Challenge, Universal Lesson,  Defining Grace, Inner  Shadow, Myths, Behavior Patterns and Characteristics and Lifestyle Challenge as well as several pages on how to meet your archetype in life and succeed..

This is all very interesting but only part of the process. I find each of these help me see myself in new ways and sometimes provide information I need to further explore to learn certain lessons my Higher Self is presumably trying to communicate to me.  I am getting closer to the finer details of my life purpose and I will continue to follow clues. 

Setting my Juice Feast Start Date (Beltane)

Siberian Tiger Running Through Snow (Tom Brakefield)

I have set my start date for May 1, 2013. I decided on this date for several reasons: it's close enough to my graduation date, it's in the spring but most importantly for the Celtic holiday of Beltane.  As I started this post the image of a tiger came to me so I have decided to invite the tiger to walk with me and guide me with its potent energy on this Juice Feasting journey.

I wasn't sure what the tiger message was, so I looked it up in Ted Andrews' Animal Speak and Steven Farmer's Pocket Guide to Spirit Animals.  Even though my Chinese astrology sign is a tiger (I resonate with this description) I know very little about the animal. Andrews reminds us it is a solitary animal (a JF can definitely be a solitary endeavor), they are excellent swimmers (incorporate the water element), they have immense territories and can cover huge distances in one day (immense territories: that would be my personality; cover huge distances: that would be a JF). Farmer's take on a tiger showing up in your life is:

"You'll soon find  a way of healing from a physical condition or emotional disturbance very quickly, followed by a noticeable increase in vitality."

"You'll be taking a long journey soon, one that will be refreshing and restorative."

"Get ready for a new adventure, one that may present some challenges, but will introduce dramatic changes in your life."

After opening myself to my intuition and messages I am no longer surprised how things line up in the Universe to support me--and show me I am on the right trail.  Every one of these things describes JFing. My tiger meter is up and running.

Source

I have felt a strong connection to the ancient Celtic wisdom for sometime. One of it's major days of celebration for renewal is Beltane or May 1.  Beltane is a ritual ripe in fertility and renewal. It is also square in the middle between the Spring Solstice and Summer Equinox.

"This holiday signifies the beginning of summer in the old European growing season, the time for sowing seeds. Ritual's purpose was to ensure a healthy crop and a bountiful harvest in the late summer and fall." Sharon Hidalgo, The Healing Power of Trees.

Furthermore it is a period where dreams are planted and great attention is paid to listening and watching for messages and guidance. "During this time blessings are sought and gods and spirits invoked." And it is a time to light the sacred fire. John Matthews, The Summer Solstice.

The holiday is a metaphorical journey for me in celebrating the renewal of mother earth, abundance in planting seeds (i.e. my new life and dreams) and love for the rebirth of abundant new life that the sun brings. Fertility rites (copulating in the forest or on your garden) are something I'll leave for the rest of the Beltane celebrators.

Are You Helping Others?

Credit: Gone but Not Forgotten

As I've cleaned up my diet, my thoughts and my life practices, I've thought considerably about the impact I have on the world right now and I can't help but think of what my legacy will be (propelling me to try even more to live a better life). I've studied Buddhism irregularly as a philosophy for many years. I find its intellectually rigorous concepts challenging and satisfying. I've tried to incorporate as many of the elements of Buddhism that work for me in my daily life and from it and raw foods I launched my growing spiritual practices. Because I find the philosophy so beautiful yet demanding I do not consider myself a Buddhist nor an aspiring Buddhist. However as a philosophy and a way of life, when I practice its concepts it makes me a better person.

Recently I've developed an interest in astrology. It took several viewings for me but Rick Levine's Quantum Astrology: Science, Spirit and Our Place in the Cycles of History finally makes sense to me. Through his analysis of planetary alignments over the centuries he clearly shows: "We begin to appreciate that single events do not happen by themselves. They always happen in a fabric of continuity connected to larger events of the past, to unknown events of the future and through astrology we get a different perspective of history." Furthermore he articulates: "So as we dip our toes in the quantum pond and watch these ripples move out astrology, more than anything else, reminds us that our future is not sealed in fate. In fact, it's sealed in every little action that we take every time we poke into that quantum pond. Every action we take has ripples and those ripples have ramifications that build and come back in the future in ways that today, we do not know."

As I've developed myself and worked at becoming a better person a natural inclination is, as the Buddhists have taught me, to help others. Over the course of time I've learned that sometimes when you help others you can actually hurt them. In my current dysfunctional work environment I see drama on a daily basis. It is so broken I've come to the conclusion that I don't know the solution to resolve its brokenness.  I've wanted to leave for months yet I held on because I've wanted to help these souls who seem so hurt, lost and angry. After more than a year of misery, I've come to some conclusions. Namely, it doesn't have to be this way.

To build the ladder out of this pit of misery I've harkened back to my undergraduate days studying communication models. The one I've learned so much from and reintroduced into my life is

(Google Images)

Stephan Karpman's Drama Triangle Model. 

I've added a few more commonly used adjectives to the roles written out in Wikipedia, but the Drama Triangle is constructed of the following:

• The person who plays the role of a victim, martyr or vulnerable being
• The person or villain who bullies, pressures, coerces, oppresses or persecutes the "victim"
• The rescuer, hero, or enabler who intervenes, seemingly out of a desire to help the situation or the underdog.

Keep in mind these roles fluctuate in each person in varying circumstances although many people have a natural tendency toward one role. Do you see yourself in one of these? In other visual depictions of the triangle people rightly cite the central element of the Drama Triangle as denial. People who play out this dysfunctional communication pattern are often emotionally or egotistically vested in their roles and do not see the drama they are creating. Here is a short example of the process.

As I envision my legacy I would like it to be one without drama. Don't get me wrong, I love performing arts and I'm not excluding literature from my life--but I am stopping drama by refusing to play this dysfunctional game. The key ingredient in this game is the victim. If there are no victims, there is no drama. This can be a bitter pill for some to swallow. So be it. For me I reflect on the larger, spiritual perspective. Perhaps the person playing the "victim" is evening out karma or is here to learn a lesson these circumstances can provide. I can feel compassion for them and want to help, but I will not do so if it perpetuates drama.