Day 40 Juice Feast -- When You Are Lost (Michael Meade)

I've spent some time thinking about the workshop lessons from day 11 on Finding Genius in Your Life as defined by Michael Meade. 

The original idea of genius refers to the natural spirit and inner qualities of a person; this includes their god-given talents as well as the way they are aimed at life. In that sense, everyone has a genius nature and something essential to give to the world. However, when neglected or rejected our natural genius can incite our worst inner demons.

Meade has a fascinating outlook on life. He borrows from the Jungian camp that the wound and the gift are two sides of the same coin and genius hides behind the wound. Ok. But his knowledge base had me glued to my chair when he said: "I study all people and all cultures."  My grandpa used to say he learned something from every person he encountered. Sometimes I think I am lost and when I go a-questioning (or on a quest) I find the answers. I know they are the right answers because they are external reinforcements of my intuition.  Meade reminds us: sometimes you have to get lost to get found.

In modern times where old systems and institutions are crumbling and no longer an anchor to maintain the status quo of society, the individual must learn to rely on his or her own inner genius. "Finding your own way in life is the only way." What if you are stuck in this spinning vortex of the modern mesocosm and unable to see who you really are? Meade suggests discarding the notion of fixing the mesocosm and doing two things to reclaim your sense of orientation to claim your inner genius:

1.) Study the macrocosm or basic cosmology.
2.) Go inside and study your soul (microcosm)--it's oriented to the Universe.

The Hidden Universe (NASA)

Setting My Juice Feast Theme (Acceptance)

                                                     

With a lifelong love of literature, managing complex projects and studying organizational leadership I've come to learn the value of setting a theme around multi-step projects.  When it comes to growing spiritually through fasting its imperative I choose something about myself which I would like to improve. Doing so I find I root myself into a growth strategy that, even if it doesn't stick the first time around (and I no longer have that "bad habit"), it's a bit like a piñata and I've given it a good whack. I know myself and I know that in time I will overcome it.

I've set my theme for the upcoming Juice Feast. It is acceptance. I seek to accept everything exactly as it is.  This is not blind acceptance or stoic stiff-upper-lip acceptance, but an acceptance born of exploration of my emotions, my ingrained habits and thought patterns.  As I mentioned above it may not stick but I will vow to be accepting during my entire Juice Feast in the best and most honest way I can. I am not one who commonly makes lifetime vows. However trying on a good practice almost always impacts my entire life in a positive way.

I've chosen acceptance in honor of my grandfathers--both have passed.  My grandfathers were my lifetime guides to do the right thing and aspire to be a better person. And when I wasn't following that path all too closely--they accepted me completely. They accepted everyone around them.


My maternal grandfather retired early and I followed him around from the time I was four years old until I sat holding his hand while he was dying--all the while trying to write his eulogy in my mind.  He spent a lifetime wanting to (and succeeding) at being the best at what he did. He endured hardships yet he was kind to those who wronged him. He was kind to everyone.

He was one of many sons on a farm but volunteered to go to WWII because he recognized he had the fortitude (unlike his brothers) to do it.  He was one of the many in that generation who were truly heroes--smart with homestead common sense, principled and willing to work himself to the bone.  While on the Asian front his ship's lights were out one night and another ship plowed right through it--and everything sunk to the bottom. He and his unit were shipwrecked on an island with cannibals. Besides his first sergeant duties, to keep his mind occupied he made two airplanes out of spent ammo and an artillery shell for the base--he gave one to me. It's brass so I find myself polishing it when I need courage.

My paternal grandfather dropped out of high school and enlisted in the Marine Corps (of course lying about his age). As a former Marine myself (who graduated high school early and enlisted in the Marine Corps) I can only imagine he got his butt handed to him on many occasion during that condensed boot camp. Grandpa always credited the Marine Corps and good parents for keeping him on the straight and narrow--so I suppose he held no ill will towards his drill instructors. Grandpa was also a farm boy and found himself on his way to Iwo Jima driving an amphibious vehicle. Luckily my grandpa survived one of the fiercest battles.

Grandpa was the type of person who emanated country kindness. In his adult life when he returned from the war and started a family he was a cop in a small town. I met a man who knew my grandpa when the man was a boy. This man was regularly beaten by his father and my grandpa would often find the little boy crying and hurt. Sure my grandpa did his job but all the man remembered was that my grandpa cared for him and showed him kindness.  He was always the type of person who would show up when things looked bleak and ask: How can I help? Unfortunately grandpa couldn't hear a word I said (the tone of my voice isn't too friendly to artillery wrecked eardrums) but we had a life long correspondence and a family translator when we were in person.

Both of my grandpa's died the day after their birthdays. Both in June, and one year apart.  I was devastated. In the space of 3 years I was divorced, moved across one state, endured the startling death of my cat-daughter, completed university, lost my first grandparent, moved across the United States, started an internship and lost another grandparent.  I say my grandpas were my guides but I came to realize they still are. I missed them terribly until one day I realized they were in my heart and always would be. A year after their deaths I started to bounce back into life.  I tried many things to overcome the grief yet little progress was holding. I was grossly overweight for the first time in my life (50 pounds!) and started working on slimming down and healing. I tried many flushes, fasts and detoxes but I wasn't making much progress. The reason I say my grandpas are still guiding me is that in overcoming the grief I found raw foods. Through raw foods and my healing journey I've had to determine my own future rather than following in the footsteps of the two greatest men I've ever known. And here I am...committing to a practice of acceptance.


                                                               

Are You Helping Others?

Credit: Gone but Not Forgotten

As I've cleaned up my diet, my thoughts and my life practices, I've thought considerably about the impact I have on the world right now and I can't help but think of what my legacy will be (propelling me to try even more to live a better life). I've studied Buddhism irregularly as a philosophy for many years. I find its intellectually rigorous concepts challenging and satisfying. I've tried to incorporate as many of the elements of Buddhism that work for me in my daily life and from it and raw foods I launched my growing spiritual practices. Because I find the philosophy so beautiful yet demanding I do not consider myself a Buddhist nor an aspiring Buddhist. However as a philosophy and a way of life, when I practice its concepts it makes me a better person.

Recently I've developed an interest in astrology. It took several viewings for me but Rick Levine's Quantum Astrology: Science, Spirit and Our Place in the Cycles of History finally makes sense to me. Through his analysis of planetary alignments over the centuries he clearly shows: "We begin to appreciate that single events do not happen by themselves. They always happen in a fabric of continuity connected to larger events of the past, to unknown events of the future and through astrology we get a different perspective of history." Furthermore he articulates: "So as we dip our toes in the quantum pond and watch these ripples move out astrology, more than anything else, reminds us that our future is not sealed in fate. In fact, it's sealed in every little action that we take every time we poke into that quantum pond. Every action we take has ripples and those ripples have ramifications that build and come back in the future in ways that today, we do not know."

As I've developed myself and worked at becoming a better person a natural inclination is, as the Buddhists have taught me, to help others. Over the course of time I've learned that sometimes when you help others you can actually hurt them. In my current dysfunctional work environment I see drama on a daily basis. It is so broken I've come to the conclusion that I don't know the solution to resolve its brokenness.  I've wanted to leave for months yet I held on because I've wanted to help these souls who seem so hurt, lost and angry. After more than a year of misery, I've come to some conclusions. Namely, it doesn't have to be this way.

To build the ladder out of this pit of misery I've harkened back to my undergraduate days studying communication models. The one I've learned so much from and reintroduced into my life is

(Google Images)

Stephan Karpman's Drama Triangle Model. 

I've added a few more commonly used adjectives to the roles written out in Wikipedia, but the Drama Triangle is constructed of the following:

• The person who plays the role of a victim, martyr or vulnerable being
• The person or villain who bullies, pressures, coerces, oppresses or persecutes the "victim"
• The rescuer, hero, or enabler who intervenes, seemingly out of a desire to help the situation or the underdog.

Keep in mind these roles fluctuate in each person in varying circumstances although many people have a natural tendency toward one role. Do you see yourself in one of these? In other visual depictions of the triangle people rightly cite the central element of the Drama Triangle as denial. People who play out this dysfunctional communication pattern are often emotionally or egotistically vested in their roles and do not see the drama they are creating. Here is a short example of the process.

As I envision my legacy I would like it to be one without drama. Don't get me wrong, I love performing arts and I'm not excluding literature from my life--but I am stopping drama by refusing to play this dysfunctional game. The key ingredient in this game is the victim. If there are no victims, there is no drama. This can be a bitter pill for some to swallow. So be it. For me I reflect on the larger, spiritual perspective. Perhaps the person playing the "victim" is evening out karma or is here to learn a lesson these circumstances can provide. I can feel compassion for them and want to help, but I will not do so if it perpetuates drama.

Releasing the Unnecessary

Source

This has been an incredible month for me. Despite moving I did manage to squeeze in my Winter Solstice Liver Flush near the new moon. The Winter Solstice itself was spent in meditation, contemplation and journaling.  I had wrapped up the final details of the move the day before and was most interested in resting in bed. There was only a slight problem with that interest: I had given away all my furniture the day before to Homestretch, Inc. who will provide the donated items to persons recently off the street and into their new homes.

So I slept on the floor for two nights until I could put together my platform bed. After careful consideration I ordered an organic mattress. However it may not ship for another month...or two.  I've become reacquainted with the notion that change is not always comfortable.

In addition to releasing the big stuff, I've been slowly releasing the unnecessary from my household for months. I feel blessed to have a charitable organization come to my door step and pick up my donations.  Despite doing all of this--I still have a lot of work ahead of me. I've deliberately moved into a smaller space so I have to find out what I need here in this life rather than what I owned in the previous life. I used to be addicted to "stuff" and now I'm realizing with startling clarity releasing this excess stuff is allowing me to rapidly change my life course. I now have more room for healing, for kindness, for compassion.

Walking with the Ancestors

I've been reading more and more about Celtic Wisdom. As I have progressed on my health journey I have come to the conclusion that healing happens not just in the body, but in many other elements such as mental and spiritual. The body is the manifestation of the other elements--those which we think so much about that we solidify them in our bodies. The Juice Feast is a tremendous boost to heal my whole person because it stops putting solids in my body. In practice this leads to me living a more fluid life.

In the beginning of my healing journey I could only see the physical limitations. I sought (at times desperately) for simple physical solutions to my problems. These physical solutions did not provide overnight success so I wavered and kept practicing somethings and let go of others. I began to see my approach to healing had to change.  I started with  Healing Thoughts. As I began to change my negative thinking, which likely manifested my problems, I then found out how to do inner work.  As Louise L Hay tells us in You Can Heal Your Life: "The word incurable, which is so frightening to so many people, means to me that this particular condition cannot be cured by any outer means and that we must go within to find the cure."

I've gone inward and I've done a lot of work. Now I seem to balance the inner work with nature walks. One fascinating book on Celtic Wisdom has taught me about self-healing in nature. Frank MacEowen's The Mist-Filled Path: Celtic Wisdom for Exiles, Wanderers, and Seekers speaks deeply about Celtic Shamanic healing. One way to retrieve my soul's "missing parts" is to perform a Scottish Omen Hunt through hillwalking.

I live in Northern Virginia and hills are hard to find. Nevertheless I am always looking for ways to adapt to what is in front of me. Last month I traveled to the land of enchantment or New Mexico. I went for work so any moments I could break away to soak in the surrounding culture were considered what made the trip worthwhile.

The 2 mile trek through the 40 degrees Fahrenheit morning chill was amazing. I texted my coworker whom I shared a rental car with and we packed up early for a quick hike at the Petroglph National Monument on the way to the airport.  Our hands were freezing but digging my Vibram Five Fingers through the cool sand felt wonderful. Immediately, we were on a petroglph hunt.

 I felt the powerful presence of the ancient ancestors with each step. This was a bit of a training session for Omen hunting. Although I walked with another person, at times I felt his presence and other times I felt hugged by the knowledge in the cool rocks. MacEowen believes we are never at a loss from the information of our ancestors. It is always there. We must, if we want to understand the ancient ways, uncover those messages waiting for us.

Burning Karma

Lately I find myself  knowing the answer to most of my frustrating questions: develop patience. Develop patience? Yes, I know I need to. But how do you develop patience when you are internally a bit high strung? In general I cultivate patience through meditation and mindfulness. These mental choices set the slower pace I need in my life. When I don't meditate I get wound up. When I am in-the-moment-uptight I practice repeating a mantra. Both of these things help me.  Sometimes I have a problem that I have no solution for. In the past I would let these problems flay me alive. A few months ago I found another solution. I began to explore karma a bit more. To me, karma has always meant what comes around goes around. But I began to wonder if there was a way to "undo" or pay karmic debts.

One thing I have found as an amazing practice is burning karma candles.  I learned the technique from Gabrielle Alizay through her course Burn Away Your Karma on Daily Om. I will confess her writing style is almost impossible for me to follow, but the protocol works for me. When I buy the candles I recite my mantra over them. When I am ready to burn one I light a non toxic candle, take a deep breath and focus on my issue or perhaps the person who is troubling me. Once I've focused on what I would like to release, which let's say is a person. I focus on that person and allow the healing color to come to me. After I've envisioned the healing color healing both of us, I recite the karma  message and allow the candle to burn out.

Burning Karma Candles

When I first started burning karma candles I was home for an entire weekend and I burned dozens of candles; over time it has slowed down to burning on an as-needed-basis. However, I had a long list when I first started. I was amazed two days after I burned my first candles three people whom I burned karma candles for came to me and "came clear" on an issue we had. Two of the three people told me I was right in a situation and we moved on (trust me when I say this was not an ego win, but delight in wiping the slate clean). The third person retracted a position based upon erroneous observations. I was happy to have resolved all of these issues and to move forward.

Karma candles are powerful. Therefore burning candles should only be burned with integrity and love. Burning karma candles has also taught me patience and gratitude. I know myself well and I recognize I usually become impatient when I want something I don't have. When I burn the candle I let go of the desire. I have already seen how the candles work, so I recognize I have done my part and it's time to let the Universe take over.

Fall's Liver Flush

Google Image

The Autumnal Equinox is Saturday September 22nd and the new moon was yesterday, Saturday the 15th. I started sipping my liver cleanse protocol daily 32 ounce organic apple juice spiked with 2 ounces of Body Ecology's fermented Dong Quai on September 9th. In the past I have freshly juiced the apples (sometimes throwing in a little beet root) and drank it raw, however I have not been strictly raw for awhile nor have I budgeted the time to make it fresh. So I buy pasteurized local organic apple juice, leave it at room temperature and allow the probiotics to work while sipping throughout the day.

 The more I clean my liver, the better I feel. Through liver cleansing I have learned how vital it is to good health. In Traditional Chinese Medicine they say the liver is connected with anger. I found that to be true. I became a much happier person once I started liver cleansing. I also had no idea how angry I was before cleaning up my liver. Before my first Juice Feast I completed a liver flush with every new moon. This year I decided to do a liver flush four times a year, precisely at the change of the season. It's one of the best maintenance preventatives I do.

Last year after my fall liver flush I celebrated living calmly amongst angry people.  This year I am excited to discover the practice of manifesting my future. I was surprised to discover Ted Andrew's "Rite of the Autumn Equinox" in Nature Speak. He describes the beauty and magic in a new and meaningful way for me.

"Autumn is the time in which Nature's energies facilitates the process of purifying one's life and for the planting of new seeds and endeavors. The fall season is a time to determine new values, and to make new decisions and goals. It is a harvesting and assessment time for what has passed in the previous year, and it is a time for setting new goals for the coming year. It is a time in which the energies influencing all of humanity are most appropriate for purifying the mind and for transmuting that which would hinder the full and highest expression of the divine within us."

So, feeling pure from the liver flush I am embarking on a week long journey to plant new seeds and manifest my future.